Holiday Blues: 10 Ways to Manage Seasonal Emotions
It’s the most wonderful time of the year…for some people. For others…not so much. The holiday season has the ability to inspire joy, gratitude, and excitement. It can also bring about extra stress, overwhelm, depression and loneliness. If you love the holidays and feel great, wonderful! If you’re experiencing some of the latter emotions- you’re not alone, and this blog is for you.
“The Holiday Blues” are a popular experience for a lot of people during this time of year. While these “blues” aren’t considered a medical diagnosis, they are a very real condition with actual side affects. Similar to Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), the “Holiday Blues” are temporary and situation-based. SAD tends to last longer and require more medical attention, but that doesn’t negate the difficulty of feeling blue in a world that is declaring this time of year to be so wonderful. Feeling down is hard enough, but it feels extra icky when everyone else seems to be in a completely different state of mind. This is why I think this topic is so important. Because the truth is- A LOT of people feel blue during the holidays. So, let’s talk about this. I want to share a little bit about what the “blues” are, why we experience them, and offer some advice to help us move through those big holiday feels with a little more ease.
What are the Holiday Blues and why do we get them?
As I mentioned, if you are not feeling the festive holiday joy this year, you are not alone. A recent study showed that 64% of American adults say they are adversely affected by the holidays. Another 55% of adults report feeling extra lonely this time of year. That’s over half the population! So again, if you aren’t feeling the greatest right now- you are not alone.
Experiencing the “blues” may look like feeling tired or uninspired. It might take on the form of grumpiness, mood swings, and/or deep sadness. For some people, the “holiday blues” take on the shape of loneliness or grief. There are many reasons we feel “blue” during holiday season. Sometimes, the reason is less intense. People report experiencing the “blues” due to temporary factors like the weather or the stress of shopping. In a survey from 2021 isolation due to the pandemic was the main reason for the “blues”. Underneath isolation, at the top of the list of the survey is grief. The first holidays without loved ones can be extremely challenging. For anyone that has lost a loved one throughout the year, grief may amplify during the holidays. While the chaos of shopping, gloomy weather, and/or stress of the busy-ness may cause us to be short with each other, it’s important to be kind and gentle with others because you never know what someone else is experiencing.
People also claim financial stress and poor relationships with family as factors contributing to their lack of joy for the season. All of these are valid, understandable reasons for not loving the last couple months of the year. I want to emphasize again that it is okay to feel any or all of these emotions. For some of those bigger feelings like grief, sometimes the best and bravest thing we can do is just breathe, and trust that the intensity of the pain will dissolve. For some of the other reasons causing holiday angst, I’ve compiled a list of reminders and suggestions to help lighten the mood and give you a little ease as you work through the “holiday blues.”
Tips & reminders to help you through
Adjust your expectations
I think one of the main reasons we feel “blue” during the holidays is because of the expectations we have around what the season is supposed to feel and look like. We have these old memories and traditions in our head and when reality doesn’t live up to how we remembered things, we get upset. The solution? Adjust your expectations. Expect the turkey to burn. Expect the crazy uncle to be crazy. Expect plans to be cancelled due to last minutes colds/illnesses. When we let go of how we think the holidays should be, it’s easier to to accept and enjoy what actually is.
Be honest about what you want to do & your capacity to do it
Sometimes we get stressed because we are trying to do too much. It can be overwhelming trying to make it to all the holiday parties, and do the shopping, and keep up the festive traditions. Instead of trying to do it all, be selective. Get really clear about the traditions you want to keep, the dinners/parties you do want to attend, and be honest about whether or not you have the time and capacity for what's on your list. If elf on the shelf is too stressful- let it go. If getting to your mother-in-law’s house for a brunch after you already had dinner together is too much-say no. “No” is powerful word this time of year, and I highly recommend using it. Rather than trying to keep up all the traditions and do all the things, choose two or three you want to keep, focus there, and forget the rest! Grant yourself permission to let old traditions that no longer serve you go. Permission to do less. Permission to say ‘no’! Be honest and clear about what you do and don’t want to do for the holidays.
Volunteer
I highly recommend volunteering if you are feeling lonely. Whether you are experiencing loneliness due to lack of being around family or because of poor relations with family, being of service to others can help. Loneliness comes from a feeling of being disconnected. Connecting to humanity is a great way to pull us out of our pity parties and bring us a sense of connection and community. There are so many different ways you can volunteer, but I think the more hands on, the better! Google ‘soup kitchens near me’ and/or ‘creating holiday meals for those in need’ and see what comes up. You can also try contacting homeless shelters and see if they are in need of any winter supplies. Donating items feels good, but again, I recommend getting out into the community and actually mingling with other humans. Serving other humans connects us to that bigger picture.
Create a new tradition
Traditions are wonderful, but doing the same thing year after year can get boring. Spice up your holiday season and pull yourself out of holiday dread by doing something new! Maybe it’s been awhile since you went ice skating- try that! Maybe you’re sick of decorating cookies and would rather go to the movies- do that. Maybe you’ve always wanted to take a trip for the holidays, but never do…DO IT! If you’re feeling the “blues” and uninspired to partake in the usual festivities, then think out of the box and create a new tradition for the season. It doesn’t have to “holiday” related. It could be as simple as taking a long hike with your family on New Year’s Eve. Or it could be more holiday themed. Holiday movie marathon by yourself? Wine and paint night? family bake off? Brainstorm until you find an activity that sparks a little joy. Once you find that spark, chase it by following through and creating a new tradition.
Social media & news cleanse
Okay, this is something we all need regardless of the season. If you have never taken a social media cleanse, please consider this one. Most of us, myself included, are addicted to our phones. Social media has a way of hooking us in and dominating our attention. It also creates a comparison mindset that is extremely unhealthy. What’s worse than decorating your house feeling satisfied, and then hopping on social media and seeing a picture someone posted of their decorated house and feeling like it’s so much “better” than yours? Nope. Don’t do that yourself. Get rid of the apps just for a few weeks. Give your brain a chance to breathe. I suggest taking a break from the news as well. The other great thing about doing a cleanse during this time is that it frees up so much of our focus and attention so that we can be more present for the people in front of us.
Move your body
This is another one that is good for anytime of the year. It never hurts to move your body. For most of us living in North America, it is colder this time of year, but don’t let that stop you from taking a little walk. Just 10 minutes of movement can improve your mood, aid in circulation, clear the mind, and support a healthier immune system. I’ll be very honest- I do not like the cold. Oftentimes, I bitterly begin walking outside and by the end my nose is red, I can’t feel my fingers, and my feet are cold. BUT- I always feel a little happier, a little lighter, and a lot healthier. If walking outside isn’t your jam, there are always indoor classes. My preference would be yoga, but maybe you try kick boxing or crossfit. Moving your body will help the body produce endorphins, dopamine, serotonin (all the happy hormones), and help combat those holiday lows.
Limit alcohol & sugar consumption
I would never tell anyone not to eat a beautifully decorated, delicious-smelling holiday cookie. Please, eat the cookie. But if you’re feeling “blue”…maybe just eat one. The holiday season is filled with yummy treats, fancy alcoholic beverages, and an overall air of indulgence. It is totally okay to want to indulge, but it’s important to be mindful of how much we are indulging, especially if we are on the so-called holiday “struggle bus”. Sugar and alcohol can dramatically affect our mental health and have the ability to amplify depressive emotions easily. If you’re feeling stuck in loneliness and depression, that extra cookie may make it worse. Again, I’m not telling you to not eat the cookie. I think everyone should indulge a little. Just enjoy in moderation. More importantly, enjoy in a way that feels good for you. If you feel extra low energy, tired, and experience sadness after drinking, try swapping the festive holiday cocktail for a mocktail. Or try making those sugar-free cookies you’ve been meaning to bake! Enjoy the sweetness of the season, and do so in a way that will support your mental health.
Mindful downtime
It’s the end of the year and a great time to turn inward and check in with how you are really feeling. Whether you have “the blues” or not, I highly recommend taking some time this holiday season for YOU. Schedule some time for yourself away from the family, between the holiday parties and festivities, and before you burn out. This could look like taking a nature hike by yourself, taking some time in the evening to journal, or meditating in the morning before jumping into anything else. I know this time of year is big on family gatherings and community, but it’s also a time for introspection and reflection. This may sound like a cheesy, self-care, non-important practice, but truly it’s practices like these that can make all the difference when it comes to mental health, happiness, and wellbeing. I like to remind myself that the longest most important relationship I will ever have in this life is the one I have with myself. So give yourself the time and attention you deserve. Mark it on calendar, schedule it in, make it happen. It’s important.
Prioritize sleep
Sleep is one of the most important factors contributing to overall health. It plays a direct role in our cardiovascular health, immunity, and mental wellbeing. Creating and maintaining a healthy sleep schedule and routine is crucial to a healthy life. However, sleep regularity during the holiday season can feel evasive and difficult to achieve. This is partly because the dark winter months confuse our circadian rhythm. Our circadian rhythm is a bundle of nerves that communicates with your environment and dictates our sleep and wake schedule. Because our environment grows darker in the winter, our circadian rhythm gets thrown off. One way to help keep our bodies on a schedule is by having the same sleep and wake times every day. It is also recommended to go to bed earlier in the winter, and try to wake before the sun. Creating rituals in the evening before bed can also be helpful. This may seem silly, but making the extra effort to prioritize sleep can really help us move through the “holiday blues” and really any emotion with more ease.
Validate & hold space for ALL the feelings
The last little reminder I want to leave you all with is to accept whatever it is you are feeling with non-judgement and as much kindness and self-love as you can. “Holding space” is just a phrase inviting us to be with our experience without judging our experience. When we push away or hide how we are feeling, we make things worse. Trying to pretend we are in the festive mood when we are not can also compound our “blues”. Sometimes the best way to move through those unfavorable emotions is to simply acknowledge. Give them permission to be there. Admit that you are sad, lonely, depressed, or tired, or whatever it is you are feeling. When we express how we feel we give it room to release.
The holidays are a hard time for many people. You’re not alone if you’re not excited about this season’s upcoming festivities. It’s okay to be “blue”. Give yourself permission to be where you are. Your feelings are valid. Take your time moving through this season. Different things work for different people. This is not a comprehensive list. I also want to note that if the struggle is too much- reach out for help. Thanks to technology, therapists and helplines are always available if you need to speak with someone.
Please take what serves you on this list, and leave the rest. I hope you can find a little relief as we all work to breathe and find ease during this busy, chaotic, and intense time of year. I hold space for whomever is reading this, and send out that reminder one last time that you are not alone, and you can get through this.
Nest Health Connections
Nest Health Connections is a corporate wellness company revolutionizing health and happiness in the workplace. We create holistic customized wellness programs for employers and their employees.
Sources:
https://www.nami.org/blogs/nami-blog/november-2015/tips-for-managing-the-holiday-blues
https://www.valuepenguin.com/coronavirus-causing-holiday-loneliness
https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/holiday-blues
https://www.webmd.com/depression/holiday-depression-stress
https://www.nami.org/Press-Media/Press-Releases/2014/Mental-health-and-the-holiday-blues
https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/holiday-blues
https://www.webmd.com/depression/holiday-depression-stress
https://www.psychology.org/resources/the-holiday-blues-how-to-cope/
https://tinybuddha.com/fun-and-inspiring/10-ways-deal-holiday-blues/
https://bearaby.com/blogs/the-lay-low/improving-your-sleep-in-the-wintertime
https://mhanational.org/blog/looking-support-during-holidays-check-out-these-free-resources